


Don't Let Go

by KilljoyNephilim



Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Close Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Overdose, this is ONLY about Tommy and Nikki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24550792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KilljoyNephilim/pseuds/KilljoyNephilim
Summary: In the hospital, on December 23, 1987TW:Drug usage + overdoseHospitalSuicidal ideation
Relationships: Tommy Lee & Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx, second one is mainly undertones it's not mentioned exactly but it's there. kinda like in reality.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 12





	Don't Let Go

"No, Vince, I'm not leaving!" 

"Tommy, visiting hours are over, we'll come back tomorrow-"

"I don't care. I'm staying with him."

Their voices mixed together. He tried to focus, to wake up - but he blacked out again.

*

He was floating. He couldn't feel anything physically - just a never-ending darkness. He had no idea how long it had been.

Mentally, though, was a whole other story. His mind was tearing itself apart - if he could have felt something, he was sure he'd be having a migraine. He could hear bits and pieces of what was going on - mostly just distorted voices, and emotions he couldn't place his finger on. He felt the presence of people coming and going, never quite able to place his finger on who was who. He felt several doctors and nurses come in. Those he could figure out, since they had a certain energy about them, and one other person, who he never felt leave.

*

Tommy had an iron grip on his hand. He was sitting uncomfortably in a chair next to Nikki's bed, his eyes bloodshot. He had tear streaks on his face. He ran his other hand through Nikki's hair, letting his tears fall down his face in silence. If Nikki was awake, he would have joked about how if this was all it took to get Tommy Lee to stay still for a while, he'd have done this years ago. Tommy was getting choked up; he buried his face into the bed right next to Nikki's still figure. He ran one hand through Nikki's hair - the brown roots were visible despite the fairly recent black dye. He ran his thumb along Nikki's knuckles,watching him and hoping he'd wake up.

"You're my best friend, you know that?"

No response.

Tommy kept talking. "You're one of the few people that hears me out. And one of the few that doesn't get _sick_ of me. Remember that first night? I said I had your poster on my wall. Most people would have just walked away, or told me to fuck off - never you, Nikki. Never. You laughed it off. Hell, you never even brought it up again, we just talked about music. You heard me out, we bounced ideas off each other... I started trusting you more than I trust anyone else in the world. I still do. Hell, you got me better than I got myself sometimes. It's weird - no matter how many people I talk to, or hang out with, whenever there's a party or something I'd much rather be with you, even if you're sitting in the corner, doing nothing and just watching people. I guess that's just what having a best friend is - the person you choose to do nothing with over doing anything with anyone else."

He took a deep breath. "Most people thought it was weird - the happy, loud guy and the quiet, angry guy spending every moment together, every day. I never looked at it that way. All I saw was Nikki Sixx, my best friend, spending time with me. Whether we were blowing shit up, or just listening to music, I love being around you. I don't care if I have to wait here for a week, a month or even a year; I'm not leaving till I have you leaving with me."

*

"T-tommy?" 

"Sixx!" Tommy's head snapped up, looking into Nikki's gemstone eyes. He wasn't dreaming - only the real Nikki had eyes that sharp. Nikki was awake. He was going to be okay. Tommy rested his head on Nikki's chest again, this time out of relief, not out of some desire for comfort. He breathed in deeply, absorbing Nikki's warmth. "I was so scared..."

Nikki held his shaking friend, suddenly feeling guilty.

"Why- why are you here? Visiting hours look like they're over, the place is completely dark." 

"I couldn't leave without you." 

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't stand the thought of going back home, or to the studio, or anywhere without you. I hid in the bathroom attached to this room, acted like I was long gone when they came to ask me to leave."

Nikki bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could; there was no way he was going to cry, not now. "How- how long have you been here Tommy?"

"Four days."

"I-" Nikki cut himself off. Four days of hiding in the bathroom, memorizing which nurse was going to come when so he could stay with Nikki, in a hospital room with one tiny window. Tommy Lee, energetic, excitable Tommy Lee, stayed in a cramped room for _four days_ with Nikki so he wouldn't be alone.

"What, Nik?"

"I didn't realize I meant that much to you..."

"You do! You do. You're my best friend in the world. I don't know where I'd be without you, probably still making one bad decision after the other, in a relationship I don't want, with a person I don't love. You've always been the most amazing person in the world to me, Nikki. From the day we moved in together. From when we still fried roaches with hairspray. You're my best friend in the whole f.ucking world, man I -" Tommy teared up, clutching onto Nikki's arm for dear life. He let out a few gut-wrenching sobs, burying his face into the older one's shoulder. 

"F.uck..." Nikki's voice broke. "Tommy, I never meant to hurt you like this... Shit, I didn't know I actually meant something other than a - _failure_ figure, or a bad example, or a hot-head nobody wanted to be like-" He cut himself off.

"Nikki, please keep talking," Tommy mumbled.

"I always hated the world - you knew that. What you didn't know is that I - fuck, T-Bone, I can't say it."

"Nikki, please try, it's eating away at you."

"I hated myself, too. I wanted nothing to do with myself. Hell, maybe make myself nothing. That's where the Heroin came in... I just wanted my thoughts to stop, Tommy. That's it - fuck, I didn't even consider actually _killing_ myself, just dying. I never wanted to leave you."

Tommy sobbed, throwing himself on Nikki and wrapping both arms around him. "You're not, Nikki. You're not a failure at all. Even if you did fail a few times, I don't care. That doesn't make you a failure."

"I know that now - if I was a failure, I wouldn't have managed to stay with you this whole time."

Tommy held on to Nikki.

Nikki squeezed his eyes shut. "I will feel like more of a failure if I lose you again..."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm going to rehab. I can't put you through this again."

"...Alone?"

"Huh?"

"Because I'm not gonna let you go through withdrawals by yourself."

"What -"

"I do every drug you do - I'm coming too. Rehab's hard, and I was considering it... I get it if you feel like you have to do this alone, though."

Nikki couldn't hold back his tears anymore. "Th-thank you, Tommy," He sobbed, holding onto his Terror Twin. "Tommy, thank you so much. I didn't think I'd be able to get through it alone."

"Always, Nikki. You're my best friend, I want to make sure you never feel alone again."

Nikki smiled, holding him as close as possible to himself. "Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let go of me."


End file.
